What if Your Husband Wants a Divorce, but You Still Love Him?

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If your spouse comes to you requesting a divorce, it can sometimes be a surprise, especially if you thought your relationship was doing well. There are 2 main problems that arise when a divorce is requested:

  • It is not thought out properly.
  • It is something they believe will be the only way for them to achieve true happiness.

In this situation, you’re going to need to prepare yourself to do a lot of soul-searching because repairing a marriage can be a lot of work. It is important to remember that although it’s time-consuming and emotional, working towards a better relationship can be quite beneficial. However, you need to ensure that your marriage is not too far beyond repair.

If your husband has come to you asking for a divorce, you are not alone, and if you still love him, there are ways you can work towards establishing a stronger relationship.

Tip 1: Control Your Emotions

Stress can impact your emotions very quickly. The last thing you need to do is allow yourself to get overwhelmed, because then you will not be able to see the situation objectively. In order to understand why he wanted a divorce in the first place, it is time to push away your anger, fear, sadness, and feelings of unworthiness.

During this time, rely on healthy outlets (such as working out) to help you manage your emotions. Then you can handle the situation in the most constructive way possible.

Tip 2: Keep It Contained

We all know what it is like when you are going through a rough patch. There is nothing you would love more than getting advice from friends and family members, but now is not the time. When you first find out that your husband wants a divorce, it is best not to spread the news throughout your entire family and circle of friends.

Remember, you may not even end up getting a divorce, so the last thing you want is for everyone to have a negative impression about your spouse. You also will not want to deal with everyone’s opinions and nagging while you are going through this troubling experience.

It is best to leave the situation between you and your husband, as it makes it easier to work on your relationship in a positive way. Then the two of you are the only people involved.

Tip 3: Establish Healthy Boundaries

You do not need us to tell you that divorce is a serious moment in your life, especially because you are ending one life and starting a new one. Therefore, it is not a decision that should be taken lightly, and one of the best pieces of advice is to give yourself space to figure everything out.

Establish healthy boundaries and a reasonable amount of distance between you and your husband, so you can reflect on the idea of divorcing and figure out if it is really necessary. One of the best things about having your own space is that if you decide to work on the marriage, it gives you a period of reflection. Then you can figure out what to do to make your marriage better.

Tip 4: Create an Open Line of Communication

It is far too simple for husbands and wives to shut down and stop talking to each other after one spouse decides they want a divorce. However, there is nothing unhealthier than choosing to just go with the flow, and allowing your husband to make all of the major decisions about your relationship. Instead, open a healthy line of communication and talk about why he wants a divorce.

Everyone gets married for a reason. There was once passion and an insurmountable level of love between you.

Tip 5: Be Selfless

We are human beings, and it is far too easy to primarily worry about your own problems when you are in a relationship. Unfortunately, although it is human nature, it is also detrimental to your relationship. When your husband approaches you about a divorce, it is most likely because he is unhappy.

You are going to need to ask yourself: “Is there anything I can do to help? What is it that my relationship is lacking that he feels he needs?” By taking this selfless approach, you will easily be able to understand why he is unhappy. If it is something that you can fix, tell him that you will work on it to make it better.

Tip 6: Stay Motivated

Divorce is a tiring process, and even the strongest may find they fall weary halfway through the battle. The most important thing is to stay motivated. Regardless of how you look at it, marriages are work, even if they are the healthiest marriages in the world.

Both you and your husband are going to need to put a lot more effort into building a stronger foundation to keep each other happy. Do not give up, and fight for what you know is meant to be.

Even if you still love your husband after he asks you for a divorce, there is absolutely no reason to roll over and succumb to his wishes. By working together and ensuring each other that you are going to make it work, your marriage could be stronger than it was when you first started.

Shawn Leamon, MBA, CDFA is the host of the “Divorce and Your Money Podcast” and Managing Partner of LaGrande Global, with offices in Dallas, New York and Hanover, New Hampshire.

Shawn Leamon, MBA, CDFA

Dallas, Texas

Shawn C. H. Leamon is Managing Partner of LaGrande Global, a firm that helps successful families manage large financial transitions like divorce, inheritance and selling a business.

He earned his Bachelor of Arts from Dartmouth College, double majoring in Economics and Philosophy, and his Masters in Business Administration at Spain’s IE Business School.

Before founding LaGrande Global, Shawn helped manage $1.1 billion in client assets at Bernstein Global Wealth Management. He also worked as a credit research analyst at J.P. Morgan. He is a Certified Divorce Financial Analyst, and he has been an advisor to numerous high-stakes divorce cases.

Shawn is the author of two well-received finance books: Managing Private Wealth: Principles, and Divorce and Your Money: The No-Nonsense Guide, both published in 2016.

In his spare time, Shawn is an ultra-endurance athlete and has competed in events as long as 24 hours. He is an Eagle Scout and a member of the Alumni Board of Greenhill School.