This article was originally published on DivorcedMoms.com here.
"Going through an unwanted divorce is not the end; it is the beginning. Now is the time for you to focus on who you really are, and who you want to be. Then you can be prepared to feel fulfilled and free." - Shawn Leamon, MBA, CDFA
You’ve found yourself the recipient of an unwanted divorce. Your spouse may have just walked out, or left you for another man/woman. There may have been a midlife crisis, and you didn’t figure into the “new life.” Whatever the reason, coping with an unwanted divorce can be very difficult. Many people in this situation find themselves depressed, tearful, and afraid. Moving on with your life may seem insurmountable, but there is hope.
Dealing with an unwanted divorce can be incredibly difficult. However, if you are working your way through a recent separation from a husband you still love, there are things you can do to help you heal and rebuild your life.
Below Are 8 Tips For Healing And Moving On After An Unwanted Divorce
1. Prepare for a Grieving Process
It is easy to relate a divorce to the death of a loved one because at the end of the day, you will not be able to have that person in your life any longer. However you look at it, you are losing a loved one for the rest of your life, so you should expect to go through the 5 stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance).
Working your way through the grieving process towards acceptance can be difficult, even if you are the strongest person in the world. It is important that you avoid dwelling on your inner thoughts, as they are only going to bring feelings of rejection.
The easiest way to get through the toughest part of a divorce is to accept that it is normal to have an emotional reaction when you lose your partner. Having this mindset will make it easier to deal with the emotional turmoil you are going through.
2. Come to Terms with How Marriages End
It is important to remember that all marriages are set to end at some point, either by death or divorce. Just because you are dealing with a spouse that wants a divorce earlier in your relationship than you had planned does not mean that it is your fault.
Many divorced couples have the tendency to reflect on their relationship, so they try to figure out what it is that they “ruined” along the way. But the best thing to do is to get an emotional break and understand that every relationship ends at one point or another. It might not necessarily be something that you did, but rather something that the other person wanted and never shared with you.
3. Focus on Self-Love
Self-love is the single most important part of preparing yourself to move into your new single life. To make you feel attractive and desired, you will need to understand the importance of finding true happiness without having to rely on another person.
Loving yourself is the foundation you will need once you are ready to put yourself back on the dating market again. Once you learn how to love yourself, you will have the necessary building blocks to love someone else.
Remember, there is not a single person in this world that can complete you because you are already a complete package.
4. Find Supportive Relationships
It can be easy to want to deal with a divorce on your own, but it can only make the process more stressful. That is why it is important to find supportive relationships with your family and friends, who can help you through this difficult time in your life.
You’ll want to curate a group of people that have always accepted and supported you through anything. They should also be the people you turn to when you need help with motivation to work on your future self.
You can also consider joining groups of recently divorced men and women, who talk through their divorce and work together to prepare for their lives as single people.
5. Focus on Important Life Goals
We all have things that we want to accomplish in our lives, and if you have gone through an unwanted divorce, then right now is the perfect time for you to start working towards your life goals.
Do not allow yourself to slip away and get lost in focusing on tasks that are a waste of time and only give you temporary relief. Instead, focus on goals that are going to help make you stronger and benefit your life in the long term. Great examples of life goals are starting a gym routine, working towards a promotion at work, or even finishing home renovations.
6. Enjoy the Idea of Finding Someone Else
Once you have reached a certain stage of coping with your divorce, you understand just what you are worth. Then it can be beneficial to get excited about finding someone else. You will have the ability to focus on all of your best traits and realize that it is not that you are unwanted. Rather, you have plenty of things to offer in a relationship.
Take the time to create your own dream boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse. For example, are they going to take you on adventures around the world? Perhaps they will know exactly how to make you laugh at the end of a tough day.
7. Take Care of Yourself
Taking an unwanted divorce and turning it into something that forces you to turn into the best version of yourself is the best way to show your ex-spouse that you are better off without them.
There are dozens of ways that you can take care of yourself and improve the way you see yourself in the mirror. You can get your hair cut, colored, or styled, or even change up your entire wardrobe. Was there a specific look or style that your ex-spouse said would not look good on you? Emulate that exact style, and show that you can own it.
Right now is the most exciting time of your life. You get to experiment and find who you really are.
8. Go on a Trip
After an unwanted divorce, what would be a better coping mechanism than rewarding yourself for dealing with a marriage after such a long period of time?
Take a week off of work to sit on a relaxing beach or tour a historical city that you have always wanted to visit. You can take this personal time to reflect on all of the things that have happened in the past. It is just a little trip to help you get away from your everyday routine, which can really help shake up your life.
The best part is that the trip will cost half of what you would have expected to pay if you took your ex-spouse!
Going through an unwanted divorce is not the end; it is the beginning. Now is the time for you to focus on who you really are, and who you want to be. Then you can be prepared to feel fulfilled and free.